Blowing Up Caravans

2 Jul

Tuesday

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We once nearly ran in to Jeremy Clarkson in Corfu. Perhaps. While we were in Kassiopi, the rumour was going round that he had, as might be expected, roared in to the harbour on some super, mega speed boat and was cavorting in a favourite bar of ours accompanied by a very drunk young woman. These rumours do go round. We didn’t see him.

Clarkson’s disdain for caravans is well known. He, who famously said that strikers should be taken out and shot in front of their families (he was taken out of context and was only joking, of course) now, according to Joseph Dunn in The Sunday Times, wants to know what the people who buy caravans are like. So he and James May, for the further edification of the Top Gear Neanderthals, “investigate by immersing themselves in a world of beige trousers, stodgy lunches and trips to the garden centre in order to understand better the life of the caravanner.” How droll, I can’t wait.

As a fully paid up member of the Chipping Norton Set (along with David Cameron and Rebecca Brooks) Clarkson, like most bullies, has no hesitation in making fun of anything and anybody and we, the plebs, just lap it up, paying him obscene amounts from our taxes aka the licences fee. To be fair, he is so popular he actually makes money for the BBC. He simply can’t go too far. The more criticism he gets from those sympathising with his victims the higher his ratings soar. So that’s alright then.

As you may have gathered, I loathe and detest the man and all he stands for. However, he can do no wrong in Neil’s eyes. He won’t be insulted by the stereotype. He ‘gets’ Clarkson. He and millions like him will tune in to Top Gear and laugh at his absurd assumptions and scripted chatter. Well, that’s show business, folks. JC won’t lose any sleep in the highly unlikely event he should chance upon these words and I’m sure my dislike would be returned. Only he’d express himself much more wittily.

So is there a typical caravan owner? It seems to me we come from all walks of life. Except, of course, the Chipping Norton Set. From what we have seen, in the short space of time we’ve been rolling, most seem to be retired. This is probably a wrong assumption, though, as we have yet to experience the school holidays when it is more likely families will have their caravans out and about. Certainly there are more present at weekends. Clarkson may also be surprised at how many, like us, are former boat owners and sailors. But then, the last episode of Top Gear, so I’m told, involved him racing a catamaran in a car. Inspired.

I can only assume it is beyond his comprehension to understand why we do it. I hope he gets stuck behind us this weekend. 

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